i feel that life is going wrong to mee.
maybe some of you know what my problems are.

if YOU want to take everyone/everything from me, go ahead.
but YOU never think of my feelings.
i'm NOT trying to snatch everyone from YOU.
i take my risk to do things for YOU but YOU don't appreciate, i don't understand why.
yes, i know the differences between US.
but, shld this stay long? like now..FOUR months already..

if YOU dislike me so much, don't talk to me, don't affect me with your stupid attitude.
if YOU don't want me to go inside your life, go ahead and ignore me.
but again did YOU think what i had done for many past years? i've done MANY MANY things in case you don't realise that.

my parents asked me this Q: will anyone do things for you what you have done for them? ( 'you' refers to me, 'them' refers to some people)
YOU PEOPLE know what i replied?
i told my parents: i don't mind if anyone doesnt want to do anything for me.. (WHY I SAID THIS? - i must be crazy? - it's because i still cherish all of you no matter what but of course, i'm always the one who get hurt and those stuffs)

i'm saying all these, NOT to expect things from you all. i want SOME PEOPLE to realise these after years.
i really don't wish to continue anymore, i've given up.
so..if YOU want to break our friendship, go ahead and tell meeeeee online/via SMS.

i've faced MANY difficulties/problems in primary school and now, in secondary school.
i'm always suffering the most.
WHY WHY WHY? WHY AFFECT ME ALL TIMES? I'M REALLY CONFUSED AND UPSET.
since facing so much of these problems, i do wonder whether
Am i a bad friend? Am i a mean friend? Am i a friend who brings trouble to everyone?

Besides all these, i'm affecting by my grandpa who (at this moment) admitted to hospital for the 3RD time.
1st time he admitted - he stayed for a week.
2nd time - he stayed for 2 weeks.
AND NOW AGAIN.. ='(
(for your info, he's down with cancer and also facing so much problems in his body..and he has to undergo treatment which he even hasn't started yet, i guess)

Whenever I need someoneeeee...i've no one i can trust the most.
I don't mean the adults because they are working and busy..yes i appreciate all the care, love and concerns from the adults whom i'm close to.. but i don't wish to disturb them all time =(
I just need someone who are in teens.
I just need a friend who i can trust the most.
(i know i've the SAC girls..what i mean, is i need just ONE.. yes, they can be the ones i can share problems/happiness with.. i appreciate that!)

I've been betrayed and backstabbed many many times, who knows how many times it had been already..
sorry, my post is super long.
i think that i really have to release hereeeee. it can't remain in me forever.. really disappointing ='(
okay, i think i've to stop heree.
update again..

PS. Don't think you are exactly the one when you read this entry :X